I came across this quote on an Instagram post and fell in love with its potential. It made me want to dig deeper in the phenomenon of falling in love with someone? Is it real or just temporary gratification?
Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist, has done long range studies on the in- love phenomenon. After studying scores of couples, she concluded that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years. In fact, true love cannot begin until the in- love experience has run its course. “
This is quote was so potent, that the theory forces me to reflect on my own love life. Did I ever love someone? Was it just an obsession? Are relationships just doomed to end, thus the fairytale ending of finding your soul mate just laughable?
I wanted to deep digger, so I tackled the politely correct definition of the word obsession. The word obsession is an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind. Okay, so the negative connotation of the word is out shadowed by the definition. When I think of obsession, I think about stalker or creating shrines of a famous person! But, being continually preoccupied with a mate is not a bad thing. We actually should be preoccupied with the well being and happiness of a mate. I believe the quote only means that if your relationship survives the “Obsession” part, then you have a greater chance of it being genuine and to last a long time.
Well if this theory is true, then most of our endeavors in love are fraudulent right? Most of our relationships barely last months………..but we feel like we were in love. We leave the situation really played, bitter, and ready to give up on trying to find a forever love. But, if it’s just obsession, we aren’t really failing in love! It merely a “trial period” to see if we can make it into the love phrase. I might be fond of this theory. If a relationship can pass the two year mark and evolve into true love, then just maybe marriage would have a decent change of not being plagued with divorce. We give ourselves ample time to see if we are truly compatible with our partner. We get to know the person instead of the representation of them.
Although, I think the “obsessive” stage is a vital stage. Even though you are primarily on cloud nine in this phrase, you learn quite a bit. The things you become obsess with are probably the same things that keeps the passion alive into the later phrases of the relationship.
I’m curious to know if my poets believe in this theory! Don’t be shy, give your thoughts!