Have you ever got stuck midway through a sentence, literally losing all train of thought? I have, explaining to my six-year-old son about adoption and what it means to our family. This conversation is definitely on my top 5 list of things that was difficult to experience. Nevertheless, that moment was not as immobilizing as my journey through infertility and how my son actually ended that vicious cycle. So, let’s get back to the story……….
I grab his hand and led him into the room alone. As soon as I opened my mouth, tears started to flow. Troy squeezed my hand and said, “Mommy it’s okay, you can tell me anything”. Little did he know, he brought sheer comfort in an emotionally crippling moment. I opened my mouth and said……………………………………………….
“Yes baby, everything will be okay. We will be stronger after we talk about this”, I replied.
In that moment, I wiped my tears and knew I had to put my mommy panties on! I had to demonstrate strength, to ensure my boy was okay. Troy is a true momma’s boy and adopts whatever emotion I feel. So, I had to find joy in this situation because a positive attitude was my only shot for painting a beautiful picture in regards to adoption. My goal was to give him security and make sure he associated great things with his adoption.
Firstly, I reminded him of the time we went into the store to adopt a cat. I read literature early on in my adoption experience and the parent (In the article) compared adoption to a family going into a store to adopt an animal. PERFECT (I know it seems strange but bear with me)! Troy loves animals and I knew if I tied our experience with adopting our first pet, the topic would resonate with him.
“Troy, remember when we went into the animal shelter and saw so many animals that needed a home”, I asked.
“I remember Mommy’, he said.
I tried so hard to fight tears because his little face had a look of concern, that I have never seen. It was as if he knew whatever I was about to say would change his view on life and family forever. Humanly, I struggle with him looking at me as though I was not his REAL mother. I pushed my OWN emotions and invasive thoughts down, swallowed my fear to complete the task at hand.
“Well, we found the perfect cat and we all just knew it was meant for us to take that specific cat home. We knew we wanted to ADOPT her into our family and home. Do you understand adoption?”, I asked.
He just looked at me with a confuse look and shrugged his shoulders indicating that he had no clue.
“It’s when a family welcomes an animal or even a baby into their home because that animal or baby does not have family. That family has so much love to give, that they take the baby or animal home with them to shower them with so much love. That is how you came into my life”, I said.
“You are adopted, “I blurted out.
He just looked at me and I could tell his little mind was running rapid with questions.
“Are you okay, Troy”, I asked.
He told me he was fine, I knew better. I knew I had to be patience and let him come to me with his questions whenever he was ready. But I had no way of preparing for the next question.
“So, I was not in your stomach like Destiny and Tyler?”, he asked.
I was surprised, but appreciated his ability to grasp the whole concept of adoption.
“That’s right baby, you did not grow in mommy’s stomach. You grew in my heart. See, before you I was sad. I wanted a baby so bad and it just would not happen. Then God allowed for us to meet and we were just meant to be. I needed you and you needed me. We found a home in one another”, I said.
I was a nervous wreck on the inside, I knew my delivery was not perfect. Between the tears and holding my son’s hand for dear life, my only prayer was that he felt my love. I know no one is perfect, but my son comes pretty close. He continued to ask questions that impressed, proving he was actually understanding my words. That conversation ended with tears from both sides. But, it was the final request that surprised the HELL out of me!
He asked me to keep his adoption a secret, he did not want anyone to know but his dad and I. He had no idea that he was actually the last to know, I chalked it up to him creating a coping mechanism to help deal with all the new information he received. I knew that we had a lifetime of growing within our adoption experience together. That day was not flawless, but it was a great start in finally incorporating him into our adoption experience. THE SECRET WAS FINALLY OUT!
Well, until he was finally ready to tell his little sister and grandmothers………………………………….
Come back for part 3!
PICTURE COURTESY OF GOOGLE